“I’m Old – Not Stupid” – Challenging Ageism in Everyday Interactions
Have you ever heard someone speak to an older person in a patronizing tone—almost as if age automatically equals a loss of intelligence? Unfortunately, this is a common issue, and it’s the exact frustration that inspired the book “I’m Old – Not Stupid” by Lindsay Tighe.
This eye-opening handbook has become a must-read for families, caregivers, and professionals working with older adults. It highlights the subtle but damaging ways society treats seniors as if they are incapable of making their own decisions.
The Trusted Aged Care team explore ageism in the following post…
The Problem: Unconscious Ageism in Communication
Many older adults feel frustrated by the way people—especially those in the caring professions—interact with them.
For example, have you ever heard a nurse or aged care worker say something like:
🗣️ “Now, don’t you worry yourself with any of that, Mr. Smith. We’ll get you sorted in no time.”
While well-intended, this condescending approach assumes that physical frailty automatically equals mental decline. It dismisses the wisdom, intelligence, and experience that older adults have accumulated over their lifetime.
When Families Take Over Decisions
Ageism isn’t just seen in healthcare—it happens within families too.
When an elderly parent needs assistance, adult children and relatives often start making decisions on their behalf rather than with them. Over time, conversations about their care, finances, and daily life take place around them, rather than including them as active participants.
Although families may believe they are helping, this loss of agency can lead to feelings of frustration, resentment, and even depression. It’s no wonder that we hear the elderly exclaim “I’m old – not stupid!”
The Message Behind “I’m Old, Not Stupid”
The title of Lindsay Tighe’s book was inspired by a real-life conversation.
Tighe, an author, coach, and founder of Better Questions, recalls how a friend’s grandmother—newly moved into aged care—expressed frustration with the way staff treated her.
💬 “I’m sick of being treated this way. I’m old, not stupid,” she told her granddaughter.
Hearing this, Tighe realized that this sentiment was shared by millions of seniors worldwide — leading her to write a book that challenges how we speak to and interact with older adults.
How Unconscious Ageism Affects Older Adults
Most people don’t intend to be ageist—it often happens unconsciously due to stereotypes about aging.
🙅♀️ Common misconceptions about aging include:
❌ Assuming older adults can’t make decisions for themselves
❌ Believing they need help with everything once they show signs of frailty
❌ Taking over responsibilities instead of allowing them to problem-solve independently
While offering help is important, the way we go about it matters.
Rewiring the Way We Help Seniors
Helping should be empowering, not disabling.
📢 Key takeaway from “I’m Old – Not Stupid”:
- When people constantly take over and fix things, it diminishes confidence and increases dependency.
- Seniors may feel disrespected, disempowered, and frustrated when they’re not allowed to solve their own problems.
- Over time, this can lead to low self-esteem, depression, and reduced mental well-being.
💡 So, how can we do better?
Instead of assuming what an older person needs, we should:
✅ Ask better questions – “How would you like to handle this?”
✅ Actively listen – Let them share their thoughts and preferences.
✅ Encourage independence – Support their decisions rather than taking over.
By shifting from a “fix-it” mentality to an empowering approach, we help older adults maintain their confidence, independence, and dignity.
Final Thoughts: A Must-Read for Caregivers & Families
If you’re a caregiver, family member, or professional working with seniors, I’m Old, Not Stupid is an essential read. It will challenge the way you communicate, helping you build more respectful, empowering relationships with the older adults in your life.
📖 Want to learn more?
🔗 Buy or download “I’m Old, Not Stupid” today!